My friend Harry sat in the parlour watching Soccer. The English premiership has always been his Saturday ritual. I knew as usual his red and white team would disappoint him, they always do. He kept screaming swear words and banging his hands on the centre table.
“Foolish manager, this old man is bereft of ideas, he should resign”
“But I think it’s still an even game, considering its still goalless” I said, as I watched Harry throw an empty can of beer towards the television set.
“This should be an easy game; this French retard is just wasting these boys”
I knew Harry would go on and on, we’ve lived together for three years and I know exactly how he takes these games. He would blame the manager, the players, the officials and even the supporters for not encouraging the team enough.
I decided to cook myself some noodles. So I put on my apron and gloves. I always feel like a master chef when it comes to preparing noodles. Harry kept screaming, so I decided to block my ears with some music. I wore my headphones and let Fela flood my head. The high life beat synchronised with my cooking. The garlic, onions, pepper, curry made my noodles look like something you will see on cable television. I could still hear Harry’s voice. I decided to ignore him till I heard a loud thud. I rushed to the parlour
“What just happened?” I asked
“This is crap, what is wrong with this team, d***m”
I saw that he had flung the centre piece on the wall. Then I looked at the television screen. His red and white team were down by four goals.
“Come on man, take it easy. It’s just a game. Don’t get yourself too worked up”
But Harry wasn’t paying any attention
“See…mugu…oya pass, ewo, yes…yes oooooo, kai. This boy is a big fool”
I knew how to calm Harry down. His antidote wasn’t far away. So I went into the kitchen, opened a cabinet and brought some vegetables out. I knew that once the aroma got to the parlour, soccer time would officially be over. First, I had to chop the vegetables into little bits and then wrap them up. I picked up my knife and got hard at work. I abandoned my noodles, as beautiful as it looked; after all, what are friends for.
I was almost done when the knife cut into my flesh, I screamed so loud that you would have thought I was an opera singer warming up for a show. Harry rushed into the kitchen. Blood was all over the cabinet, I wasn’t far away from tears .
“Sh**t, looks serious man” Harry screamed.
“I’ve got eyes; please go get the first aid box”
Harry dashed off. In few seconds he was back with the box.
“Cut some cotton wool and get the bottle of spirit out”
“I have done that, o my see blood everywhere” Harry looked quite frightened
“Now clean it up for me”
“I can’t, I am very sorry”
“Why?” I asked. I was obviously puzzled
“It’s just the blood, just can’t stand it”
“This is crazy, I’m bleeding and you’re here talking about what you can stand and what you can’t”
“Sorry bro, let’s just go to a hospital or something”
“Okay, just picture that it’s Alicia and she’s on”
“That’s so different”
“You told me last week that you could even use your mouth”
“This is an injury, hers isn’t”
“It bleeds too; hers is a big wound man”
“Well I never thought of it that way, it’s an acceptable wound then, come let’s go to the clinic ”
So we went to the clinic. I got the wound stitched. We still had a lot of vegetables that day, till everywhere was cloudy and images were blurry. I forgot about the incident till last night. I was already approaching what scientists call paradox sleep, when I heard Harry’s phone ring. I figured he was already asleep, but the phone kept ringing till Harry eventually woke up.
“Alicia, how are you. It’s really late now…ok, but you’re on…ok, urgghhhh…yes, I can be there in twenty minutes…Please stay that way….That’s my girl..I’m coming”
I have always been fascinated at Marvel characters like The Flash, I love how fast he moves, but that night Harry was faster. In just seconds I heard his car come on, and then he was off into the night.
So much for wounds…..
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